i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
