I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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