I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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