her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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