Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
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so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
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Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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