guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
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Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
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Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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