Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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