Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
