batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
