I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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