Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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