I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize