Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
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We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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