Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
