I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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