And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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