if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
