By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
