You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize