i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway