scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
