I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
