puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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