i dont even know how to be here
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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