he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
