Tell her she can't have a vagina
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
