Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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