sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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