im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
