I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
