I want to have your abortion
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I deserve this hangover.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
