your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
