Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
