dude i'm inner monologue high
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
