he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
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there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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