i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
