That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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