I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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