guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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