Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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