the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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