I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
