You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
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Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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