Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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