My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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