haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
