So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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