I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
3pm strippers are depressing
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
