I wanna bring you to show and tell
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
