so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
