He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
