The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
