i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
