Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
