I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
