forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
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five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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